9.8.14

I super suck at posting.

I started school again. I started the semester with the goal of getting a 4.0 but then I started watching Breaking Bad for the first time so that’s not going to happen anymore. So there’s that.
I also found out that the ex has a new girlfriend which is bullshit because I was supposed to get a boyfriend first but I’m apparently super undateable so that’s a problem. People only want me for my hot bod which can be super depressing sometimes. I could stop sleeping with people but I’m also super horny so…

I still really like Old Navy. He’s a hottie. Nothing has really happened except for the fact that he talks to me sometimes. And he also covered for me last Thursday while I saw the Arctic Monkeys at Red Rocks (which was excellent by the way. Even though it rained the entire time).

I also slept with this guy in the musical at school. Let’s give him the code name of “Forum” (because the musical is “A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum”). He invited me to his house for a party on Friday and I got too drunk and we slept together. I should have slept with his hot roommate (who looked a lot like this bartender I was sleeping with last semester) but I didn’t. Anyway. Forum won’t stop texting me which is weird because 1) I don’t like him and 2) I’m usually the one that is always texting hookups like “let’s hang out and do relationship things date me pls” so this is a weird dynamic for me. Also I never hookup with boys that I didn’t meet online so that I don’t have to like, see them around in real life which is going to be a problem with Forum. We will see what happens.

One more thing. I have the hottest professor. Like babe status and I can’t handle him. He’s married but his wife lives in Tennessee so that’s cool. Hashtag home wrecker.

8.17.14

Well this has been a waste of time. I told The Vegetarian that I don’t want to see him anymore because I like him too much. I told him over text because our plans fell through again. I just deserve better. So much better. I’m just sick if being someones second choice. It feels like, not only with boys but with a lot of things, that I am never anyone’s first choice friend. And I deserve to find a boy especially that will treat me like I am their first choice. That will rearrange their schedule sometimes because I am busy too. Who will text me wanting to hang out with me because they miss me, not because I texted them. I feel like that isn’t too much to ask… So The Vegetarian is sadly done with.

BUT there is this HOT HOT HOT boy that works with me. Lets call him Old Navy. He is too freaking cute and he listens to twenty one pilots and raps and I just can’t handle it. I want to get at that. I want it bad. Too bad whenever I see him I get all flustered and say stupid things so he probably thinks that I’m a freak but that’s worked to my advantage in the past so we will see what happens. 

8.14.14

I went over to The Vegetarian’s house last night and it was a lot of fun. I was going to try and bring up the fact that I don’t want to just be casual anymore but I started to think about it and we have known each other for 2 weeks and I am being a bit ridiculous. So instead I bought some fancy lingerie and fucked him. There was a lot of cuddling involved and I super like him. I just hope that the next time we hang out, which will be Sunday, we will go on like a real date. 

8.12.14

Last night I slept with a dental student. I’m going to try to trick him into marrying me because he is going to make a lot of money and I am going to die starving because I am getting a degree in theatre. I have to survive somehow. 

But this other boy that I mentioned before, I don’t want to use his real name because that’s awkward like what if someone I know reads this (yeah right nobody reads this). Anyway, lets just call him the vegetarian. I’m hanging out with him tomorrow but I don’t know how I feel about it because I feel like he has been ignoring me? I am probably just overreacting because I suck but he bailed on the plans that we had last Wednesday and hasn’t talked to me since. But he just got another job so he is working a lot and I’m sure that he is busy. We are going to hang out tomorrow night and I am going to try not to have sex with him. Because I like him. And I want to date the shit out of this boy. And sex makes everything complicated. But it’s probably too late. 

8.7.14

So I suck so bad at this. A lot has happened in the last few months. 

1) I got a job at Old Navy which is pretty awesome. I spend the majority of my paycheck back at Old Navy

2) I no longer have a boyfriend which is less awesome. I really liked him but it was such a physical relationship and I’m too needy and fucking scared him away. We broke up over the phone while I was 1 state over and he fucking cried, and I fucking cried. I still don’t know how I feel about it. I think I’m starting to realize that I just miss the relationship, not the person that I was in the relationship with. But the saddest thing I think is that he ignored all of my attempts to see him one more time when I got back into town. It felt so awful breaking up over the phone and he didn’t even wish me a happy birthday which really hurt. I have another boy interest now that I super like and met on okc but I’m trying to take it slow with this one but I’m pretty much failing which sucks but we will see what happens. Intellectually, he is amazing and I feel like we really have this connection. Sexually he is wonderful too but every time we have sex I can’t help but think about my ex “Oh I loved it when my ex did this” “I wish that this guy would do that like my ex did”. It makes me feel guilty and like I’m trying to get over this too fast? But it also feels like I’m over it anyway and that there is no point in wasting time mourning a fake relationship that could barely last a month. 

3) I turned 21 like 3 days ago which kicks ass

4) The only boy I have ever loved texted me last night out of nowhere wanting to catch up and even though it’s been 4 years, I don’t know how to handle it. This is the boy that I spent countless hours crying over my senior year of high school and he just wants to catch up like nothing ever happened. The fact that he can just text me and leave me this emotional and confused makes me feel so pathetic and ridiculous. I thought I have matured over these last 4 years and even though I hoped I would never have to be faced with this again, I always thought that I would be able to handle it without freaking out this much. But then again, I never imagined that he would make sexual jokes towards me which made my fucking heart drop into the pit of my stomach. We talked about meeting next Wednesday for coffee or something. I had plans but after we talked about it, I went and rearranged them to free my schedule. 

I always joked that if he were to text me and see if I wanted to catch up, I would drop everything and do it. I never imagined that I actually would. 

6.8.14

Friday I saw TFIOS and I don’t know why I thought that it was a good idea ever to ever see that movie. I’m still emotional about it and I will be forever and ever. I haven’t had any time to write about it because I worked all day yesterday (gross) and then went straight to Elitch Gardens to get high with my friends and ride roller coasters. It was an interesting experience definitely.

6.6.14

Got back from Portland last night at about 6. It was so much fun. I miss it already. The best part about my trip was most definitely the beach. I can’t believe that I have never been to the ocean before. It was so surreal. I can really picture myself living in Portland. Maybe one day I will.

Also I guess I have a boyfriend now? It’s Facebook official and everything I like him a lot. He was the first person I saw yesterday after my parents. I went over to his house pretty much as soon as I got off the plane. I can’t believe that that has happened either. It’s been a rally great couple of days.

6.3.14

Hello from Portland! It’s gorgeous out here. Got in yesterday at about 10 and had brunch at this cute little French cafe. Walked around some downtown and then had dinner with my friend and her sister and brother in law. They are so sweet. We all then took a trip to the International Rose Test Garden where I took waaaaay too many pictures! First day here has been amazing. Pictures to come :)